jackassworld

I’ve mentioned Jon Hodgeman before. I love the “700 Hobo Names” list in his first book The Areas of My Expertise. In his new book, More Information Than You Require, there is a list of 700 mole men. I haven’t read it yet, but my guess is it’s a real hoot. I like his name lists so much that I’m ripping it off. We might be getting a new kitty, so I sat down to write some names for it. Gone are the days when you just get a cat and give it a stupid name like, “Gary.” Now that I’m all grown up I’ve come to realize that naming a cat is a very important ritual. (more…)

I lived out of a backpack before I moved in here. Instead of buying one bar of soap, etc., it was my dream to have a place like this where I could stock up on all that stuff and now have half a drawer of soap. (more…)

Rick Kosick. A very familiar name here on jackassworld. But what you may not know is that Rick, with his many film-making talents, is first and foremost an amazing photographer. I’d seen his name in skateboard magazines growing up, but didn’t know the extent of his work until he had me on his jackassworld live show. (more…)

Okay, since that whole Anchy thing went over relatively well, here’s another half-ass installment of “Who The Hell Are You?” Today’s “10 question” spotlight is on J.A.B., a/k/a “Jkassboy,” a community member who has been actively on the site ever since its earliest white days. He also somewhat resembles Earl Parker.

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Ever since my son was born six years ago, I’ve found myself leading two separate lives and it really has become some Clark Kent shit. Each and every morning I wake up with one side of my brain firmly rooted in that of being a fully functional and responsible parent, while the other hemisphere idly waits in the wings to rot on whatever project Dickhouse may have going on in the 9-to-5 working sense. Then, when the whistle blows at occupational day’s end, I hurdle the cranial fence once more to reassume my mild-mannered parental disposition—talk about a razor’s edge. (more…)

Here is the pilot episode of my friend Richard Metzger’s new talk show Dangerous Minds. I had the honor of being his first guest shortly after I injured my tallywhacker back in February. Today, Richard is lookin’ to get this som’ bitch picked up for television or the Internet. If we had enough money to pay him, I would love his show on jackassworld, but since he has taste and we are a little low on capital it’s prudent that Richard hold out for greener pastures. He had a show called Disinformation on Channel 4 in the UK in 2000-01, and it did pretty good from what I understand (not that I understand a lot). Anyway, he is a talented dude, a good dude, so let’s give him some support. —Johnny Knoxville

Part 1 of the jackassworld road trip, in which our intrepid travelers—Wee Man, Chris Pontius, Danger Ehren, Preston Lacy, Mike Kassak, Loomis Fall, JxPx Blackmon, Scott Manning, Dimitry Elyashkevich, Mike G., Rick Kosick, and Sean Cliver—assemble at the office by dawn’s early light, all aside from one—Dave England—who arrives substantially later only to more or less willingly consume his own urine with minimal prodding. Special guest appearances by Johnny Knoxville, Jeff Tremaine, and Dave Carnie, all of whom bid fond farewell and good fucking riddance to the caravan.

(photo by Sean Cliver; Hollywood, CA; 2008)

Nearly four months ago now we hosted an art competition here on the site. Somewhere amid the rules and such I’d stated that the winner would receive a featured interview on the home page, but I didn’t exactly uphold this end of the bargain. My scruples come and go like the patrons of a Red Light District, but they finally managed to get the better of me so here’s the long lost spotlight on Anchy, the community member who took top arty honors. Granted, this whole thing is really fucking far from the point of any relevancy now, so perhaps it will instead be the start of a new half-ass, semi-recurring feature entitled “Who The Hell Are You?” where we learn more (or less) about randomly selected community members in no more than ten varied questions.

[Note: Anchy is from Croatia, which sounds like an era of time the dinosaurs may have walked upon the Earth, so her syntax is a bit skewed at times. While I did go in and correct a few misspellings, I've left the sentences "as is" to retain the distinct foreign flavor.]

Who are you, how old are you, and where are you from?

My name is Ana, nicknamed Anchy. My native country is Croatia, where my daddy begat me and my mother gave birth to me 28 years ago.

How did you find out about jackassworld in the first place?

I found out via bulletin, on a myspace site, and I’m glad I did. You made a very good thing happen! My compliments.

You won the jackassworld art competition. Are you an artist?

I couldn’t say that I am an artist, because you need to have something more for that. I believe that this “something” I still don’t have. I just love taking photos, shape them using Photoshop, and simply enjoy doing it. I am interested in any given topic concerning reshaping photographs, so naturally your contest intrigued me. My photos can be found on my jackassworld and myspace sites, mostly motifs of nature, clouds, sunsets. These kind of motifs are eternal and never ending.

What’s the most fucked up food that Croatians eat?

According to me that would be fried lard crumpets. Particularly the hardcore version where you eat them half-processed and sometimes even raw only a few minutes after the slaughter. Try that and then add a drink of homemade honey-based brandy.

What are some good Croation cuss words?

There are so many. The interesting ones are:
kurac = cock
sise = tits, boobs
prdnut = fart
odjebi = fuck off

If Romania has vampires, what does Croatia have?

Croatia has got me. Anyway, isn’t it enough that the vampires come on their holiday to our Croatian coast? Still, we do have the Caveman of Krapina and proteus lizard.

If I needed to smuggle a sperm whale into Croatia, how would I go about doing it?

That’s easy. Either use original wrapping or Chris Pontius knows a good way—just shut your mouth and don’t swallow.

If I needed to smuggle a bottle of absinthe out of Croatia, how would I go about doing it?

You really want to get me fired from my job, smuggling sperm whales and absinthe. We do have some nice absinthe here, but for the really good booze you need to go to the Czech Republic or France. Maybe I can organize the forwarding of the stuff and add the lard crumpets to the shipment.

Do you have any words of advice for Greg Wolf?

Make sure he maintains the love rug on his chest. A good shampoo and conditioner will do wonders for him.

Describe Dave England in exactly 25 words.

I would say, please send him over to me and in one month you will have a lovely essay about him, so help me God!

So this is gettin’ outta control. Someone sent me a link to the WWE RAW show last night and the “Great” Khali is calling me out. Looks like somebody is a little infatuated with ol’ Knoxville. Un-fucking-believable. Have you seen this guy? It’s like they shaved down Chewbacca and put him in wrestling tights. He kinda sounds like Chewbacca, too. I guess that’s why they have that little Puerto Rican translator beside him “translating” what Khali groans and mumbles. That translator speaks about as much Indian as I do. Anyway, I am getting a little sidetracked with this shit. I am not someone who watches a lot of wrestling, but let me say I FUCKING HATE bullies. And for a 7-foot 3-inch (we know what the 3-inches represent) wookie to call out a 6-foot me on national TV over a stupid fucking interview that makes me irrationally mad. I say irrationally because I know it’s wrestling and it shouldn’t make me mad, but I can’t help the way I’m feeling. If this dude wants to start a war with me, then good. I just want to let you know, Khali, I don’t fight the way the other fellas fight. I am at a great disadvantage in the ring, but outside of the ring you’re mine.

Sincerely, Knoxville

The now infamous interview and question that irked the Great Khali:

one bourbon, one scotch and one beer - the great khali

I’ve been friends with the Captain and Casey for years now. Great guys. And their TV show on Fuel Network, The Captain and Casey Show, is the longest running skateboard TV show in history. (more…)