jackassworld

“i worry that it would hook on the end of my cervix and pull it out of my vagina.”
—deborah, a community member, regarding the prince albert piercing

“i’m a big advocate for free speech, but she’s the best excuse for censorship i know.”
—larry flynt, regarding dr. laura

“are they midgets?”
—dania, a community member, regarding orcas

“orcas are from lord of the rings.”
—holli, a community member, attempting to enlighten dania

“make a good show?”
—seth casriel, after rick kosick asked, “what should we do different today [on jackassworld live]?”

“what’s that? is that on our website?”
—dave carnie, when he heard lauren graham filmed an artist review on rick kosick

“she writes more than dave carnie!”
—seth casriel, regarding crazyemily’s recap of her recent gwar/danger ehren experience

“what’s uncle jeffy doing on that bridge?”
—emerson cliver, upon seeing the frame grab of preston lacy on the jackassworld road trip part 7 post and thinking it was jeff tremaine

“while you ladies discuss musical theater, i’m going to be at the bar.”
—naomi nelson to johnny knoxville and dave tremaine, while they were discussing musical theater at dinner

“i love rick’s musk.”
—mike heller, the dickhouse assistant, regarding the scent of kosick

“oh yeah, we’re good. i can hear his soul.”
—lauren graham, when asked if the microphone she placed under larry flynt’s neck was working

“you guys were always too crazy for me.”
—larry flynt, on when he owned big brother magazine

“you should do a sweeper tap on wolfie’s head. would that be bio?”
—earl parker, regarding the proposed skate track quarter-pipe going up to wolfie’s desk

“johnny, bend over. i wanna do something.”
—eddie barbanell to johnny knoxville, before trying to cram a john mccain poster up his arse

“i can drink more beer than anyone i have ever met in my life.”
—handsome jack, drunk and mournful in regard to his god-given talent

Similar to the recent decline in handwritten letters, the days of the mail order catalog are almost long gone. These days, one can go online, price check almost anything in a matter of seconds amongst dozens of online retailers. And, if you are a savvy shopper, you can have it sent to you free of charge. The reason why I mention this is for a shameless plug of our friends The Deadly Syndrome. Stay with me here and you’ll see where I am going with this. (more…)

“on a good night i go through two bags.”
—mister merlin, regarding the gummi bear treats he gives out to good little submissives

“he’s like the scientology of S&M!”
—rick kosick, regarding mister merlin

“me and dimitry, we don’t like to indulge around the office.”
—johnny knoxville, while drinking a warm-up beer for his “one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer” program

“i’ve had your balls draped all over my body.”
—jeff tremaine to johnny knoxville

“to even talk to him I had to play blackjack.”
—barry smoler, a field producer, on working with dimitry elyashkevich in las vegas

“i’m pretty sure robert smith is the ehren mcghehey of the community.”
—seth casriel

“greg, do you think the owner of viacom would adopt me?”
—earl parker to greg wolf

“i don’t know if it’s much of a cliffhanger—i mean, it ain’t exactly the wire.”
—johnny knoxville, giving rick kosick creative notes on a jackassworld road trip cut

“i hope we get a marciano translator button with these updates.”
—robert smith of the cure, regarding italian community member marciano

“hey, i’m 12. i can eat a ding dong.”
—madison, when derek was giving her crap about eating the crap in our office kitchen

“ew. it does stink in here. it smells like a baby diaper.”
—priya, director of dickhouse development, walking into the jackassworld offices one morning

“i like the smell of jeff’s farts like i like the smell of my own.”
—chris pontius

“you laugh now but this guy is gonna be governor in ten years.”
—seth casriel, about the great khali’s speaking ability

Part 1 of the jackassworld road trip, in which our intrepid travelers—Wee Man, Chris Pontius, Danger Ehren, Preston Lacy, Mike Kassak, Loomis Fall, JxPx Blackmon, Scott Manning, Dimitry Elyashkevich, Mike G., Rick Kosick, and Sean Cliver—assemble at the office by dawn’s early light, all aside from one—Dave England—who arrives substantially later only to more or less willingly consume his own urine with minimal prodding. Special guest appearances by Johnny Knoxville, Jeff Tremaine, and Dave Carnie, all of whom bid fond farewell and good fucking riddance to the caravan.

(photo by Sean Cliver; Hollywood, CA; 2008)

Maybe you’ve seen this already, but for those who have not, enjoy.

http://creativity-online.com/work/view?seed=349ffa2b

Day #3: The boys were running on about 63 percent, so not much skateboarding from any of us really happened. I guess you can say we all had the Blank Club on our minds. That’s Corey O’Brien’s bar in downtown San Jose. The reason I’m talking about the Blank Club is because it was my first night out drinking on this trip. Also, most of you may not know this, but I used to ride for Sonic Skateboards. This was Corey and his brother Gavin’s company. I have a lot of history with these dudes. I have now learned that me out on the town can turn into a lot of trouble by just showing up. Everywhere I go it’s really hard to drink like a gentleman. Every dude in the place wants to by me a shot. If I drank every drink I was offered I would show up by 10:00 and be carried out by 10:30. Anyway, I denied a lot of dudes (and chicks, too). So I just wanted to post a RAD picture of Gavin and me. Enjoy. Still on the road, I will have more soon. —Wee Man

P.S. Just so you know, I drink German and Mexican beers and I’m never afraid to get “MERLOTED”!

So here it is, the third installment of the art review show. I’ve been following Corey Smith’s art for years. I’m always inspired by it and intrigued by his smart and ironic observations on society. It’s like looking at what you’re too chicken-shit to say sometimes (well, for me it is, anyway). It’s funny how when you kind of know somebody, you let your guard down a bit more, and then you fuck up. So, during the interview, I kind of looked like an idiot. There were a few awkward pauses with a lack of intelligent questions, but all in all I think it turned out rad. Needless to say, I’m a big fan, and next time I’ll hopefully be more prepared. Oh, and we also get to feature some rad music by The Deadly Syndrome in this piece (thanks to Crash). Look forward to an artist review on them in the near future. I hear they’re recording soon, so we’re going to go play on the streets of LA and film something. —Lauren Graham

“i don’t have to hurt myself, all i have to do is dress for work!”
—greg wolf, on his natural ability to produce content for the site

“you know what makes people happy around here? making fun of cripples—mental and physical.”
—dimitry elyashkevich

“funny thing about octogenarians is that they really don’t care about STDs.”
—jeff tremaine

“how am i supposed to go to the emmys party this weekend?! i’ll look stupid!”
—greg wolf, regarding the penis wee man drew on his arm sling

“yeah, it’s not like it was silly string.”
—derek freda, when rick kosick was berating wolfie about being pissed about his arm sling getting drawn on

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For the unaware, uninitiated, and unsure, jackassworld live is every Wednesday at 4:20pm-ish PST. PST stands for “Pacific Standard Time” and applies to a geographical slice of the globe that includes California and other places. If you don’t live in California (or those other places) then you’re going to have to maximize your synapses by figuring out where in time you exist in relation to our global position. For help in doing so, go here: http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/