jackassworld

I’ve mentioned Jon Hodgeman before. I love the “700 Hobo Names” list in his first book The Areas of My Expertise. In his new book, More Information Than You Require, there is a list of 700 mole men. I haven’t read it yet, but my guess is it’s a real hoot. I like his name lists so much that I’m ripping it off. We might be getting a new kitty, so I sat down to write some names for it. Gone are the days when you just get a cat and give it a stupid name like, “Gary.” Now that I’m all grown up I’ve come to realize that naming a cat is a very important ritual. So I spent all weekend jotting down cat names. If you’re getting a new cat, or have just received a new cat, I highly recommend you do the same thing and make a good long list of potential names. Or feel free to choose a name from my list below. There’s no cost to you, I only ask that you footnote the name every time you use it. The footnote should read, “Carnie.” After you use it the first time, you can just say “Ibid” for the duration of your life. That said, here are some of the names I’m tossing around:

Catchup and Mustard, Purrrl Onions, Kitty Litter Carl, Billy Part Goat, Hit Paws, Nel the Fartin’ Starfish, Great Cat Less Filling, Bounty the Dog Hunter, Sleep Flat Barbequat, Pay Palico, Always Barfing Barney, Never Not Barfing Nancy, Puke Skywalker, Same But Different The Every Cat, Meowissey, Meowddona the Material Cat, Stuck Up Shit Bitch, Tongue Bath Terry, Adolf Kitler, KITTYKITTYKITTYKITTY, Catatonic Tony the Tonic Cat, Floor Mop Phillip V, Al Lergic, Independent Claws, Come to Mommy Edamame, Pasadena Pete the Bum Cat, Big Pussy the Big Pussy, Mittens the Elder, Burnaby the Brawler with No Collar, Fish Breath Frank, Goblin’ Giblets Gilbert, Hyperion Always in Heat, Little Larry Litter Coat, Princess Shit Butt, Colonel Catnip, DJ Cuttin’ n’ Scratchin’, Purrrfect Pukin’ Pete Not Very Purrrfect, Mr. Fuck Off, Grandpa Switchblades, Apostrophe the Catastrophe, Never Neutered Newman’s Son, Hackin’ Hairball Harry aka The Triple H Ranch, St. Cat Rick, Catriotic Pat… that’s all I got so far. I know it’s not 700, but it’s far too many, that’s for sure.