jackassworld

“on a good night i go through two bags.”
—mister merlin, regarding the gummi bear treats he gives out to good little submissives

“he’s like the scientology of S&M!”
—rick kosick, regarding mister merlin

“me and dimitry, we don’t like to indulge around the office.”
—johnny knoxville, while drinking a warm-up beer for his “one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer” program

“i’ve had your balls draped all over my body.”
—jeff tremaine to johnny knoxville

“to even talk to him I had to play blackjack.”
—barry smoler, a field producer, on working with dimitry elyashkevich in las vegas

“i’m pretty sure robert smith is the ehren mcghehey of the community.”
—seth casriel

“greg, do you think the owner of viacom would adopt me?”
—earl parker to greg wolf

“i don’t know if it’s much of a cliffhanger—i mean, it ain’t exactly the wire.”
—johnny knoxville, giving rick kosick creative notes on a jackassworld road trip cut

“i hope we get a marciano translator button with these updates.”
—robert smith of the cure, regarding italian community member marciano

“hey, i’m 12. i can eat a ding dong.”
—madison, when derek was giving her crap about eating the crap in our office kitchen

“ew. it does stink in here. it smells like a baby diaper.”
—priya, director of dickhouse development, walking into the jackassworld offices one morning

“i like the smell of jeff’s farts like i like the smell of my own.”
—chris pontius

“you laugh now but this guy is gonna be governor in ten years.”
—seth casriel, about the great khali’s speaking ability