jackassworld

Nearly four months ago now we hosted an art competition here on the site. Somewhere amid the rules and such I’d stated that the winner would receive a featured interview on the home page, but I didn’t exactly uphold this end of the bargain. My scruples come and go like the patrons of a Red Light District, but they finally managed to get the better of me so here’s the long lost spotlight on Anchy, the community member who took top arty honors. Granted, this whole thing is really fucking far from the point of any relevancy now, so perhaps it will instead be the start of a new half-ass, semi-recurring feature entitled “Who The Hell Are You?” where we learn more (or less) about randomly selected community members in no more than ten varied questions.

[Note: Anchy is from Croatia, which sounds like an era of time the dinosaurs may have walked upon the Earth, so her syntax is a bit skewed at times. While I did go in and correct a few misspellings, I've left the sentences "as is" to retain the distinct foreign flavor.]

Who are you, how old are you, and where are you from?

My name is Ana, nicknamed Anchy. My native country is Croatia, where my daddy begat me and my mother gave birth to me 28 years ago.

How did you find out about jackassworld in the first place?

I found out via bulletin, on a myspace site, and I’m glad I did. You made a very good thing happen! My compliments.

You won the jackassworld art competition. Are you an artist?

I couldn’t say that I am an artist, because you need to have something more for that. I believe that this “something” I still don’t have. I just love taking photos, shape them using Photoshop, and simply enjoy doing it. I am interested in any given topic concerning reshaping photographs, so naturally your contest intrigued me. My photos can be found on my jackassworld and myspace sites, mostly motifs of nature, clouds, sunsets. These kind of motifs are eternal and never ending.

What’s the most fucked up food that Croatians eat?

According to me that would be fried lard crumpets. Particularly the hardcore version where you eat them half-processed and sometimes even raw only a few minutes after the slaughter. Try that and then add a drink of homemade honey-based brandy.

What are some good Croation cuss words?

There are so many. The interesting ones are:
kurac = cock
sise = tits, boobs
prdnut = fart
odjebi = fuck off

If Romania has vampires, what does Croatia have?

Croatia has got me. Anyway, isn’t it enough that the vampires come on their holiday to our Croatian coast? Still, we do have the Caveman of Krapina and proteus lizard.

If I needed to smuggle a sperm whale into Croatia, how would I go about doing it?

That’s easy. Either use original wrapping or Chris Pontius knows a good way—just shut your mouth and don’t swallow.

If I needed to smuggle a bottle of absinthe out of Croatia, how would I go about doing it?

You really want to get me fired from my job, smuggling sperm whales and absinthe. We do have some nice absinthe here, but for the really good booze you need to go to the Czech Republic or France. Maybe I can organize the forwarding of the stuff and add the lard crumpets to the shipment.

Do you have any words of advice for Greg Wolf?

Make sure he maintains the love rug on his chest. A good shampoo and conditioner will do wonders for him.

Describe Dave England in exactly 25 words.

I would say, please send him over to me and in one month you will have a lovely essay about him, so help me God!