jackassworld

So my cousin Roger Alan Wade has a new album out called Stoned Traveler. Actually it’s called Stone Traveler. STONE. But I fucked up and put “Stoned Traveler” on the album artwork. Didn’t matter, though, Roger still approved it. Anyway, I wanted to shoot a video for a song called “D-R-U-N-K” and air it on 24-Hour Takeover. Only problem was we didn’t have a video and we were eight hours into the takeover. Shit, what to do? So I asked Lance Bangs to get a camera and grab anyone he could to lip-sync the lyrics to the song. After he got the footage, we ran it to an editor and tried to see if we could get it cut before the 24-hour-takeover was finished. Well we did, and here it is. It ain’t exactly “Thriller”—actually it’s probably one of the worst videos you ever saw—but for a bunch of D-R-U-N-C-K-S-O-Bs it ain’t bad considering it was conceived, shot, edited and aired in four hours. Whew!

- Johnny Knoxville

It was all good fun but it was also a big f’ing relief when that last hour ticked its final tock. And what better way to celebrate the moment than…a dance party! At some point amid the mass carousing you’ll see Knoxville dancing around with this kid who has an extremely glazed over expression. The reason behind that 40-mile stare is he was holed up in a closet playing jackass the video game for 24 hours straight. But now, the long awaited answer to everybody’s top 24-hour question (aside from what happened to Ryan Dunn): the song playing during this moment is “Alright” by Supergrass.

In the final stretch, April and Phil Margera made a morning breakfast of hot cakes for the cast and crew down on Times Square during hour 21. In a loving show of thanks, Bam made Phil lick some gross crap stuck to the bottom of his shoe. Back inside the studio an hour later, Bam tried to call it quits on the takeover but was waylaid at the door by several people down for the cause. Tremaine smooth-talked him back into the program and Dimitry slapped him for good measure. Knoxville and Tremaine then rallied a superball sprint down the hallway to help liven up Bam’s rapidly failing morning, but this only resulted in another blow to Jess’s already well-beaten head. Dance parties became the increasing norm with increasingly random music videos in the last hours, and Dimitry was presented with a Jewed and pubed-up birthday cake slab that was surprisingly not hucked at anyone.

Throughout the night we’d periodically pose questions to the cast from community members of jackassworld in video form. On this particular occasion we had one such member in the studio audience, Movie_Ben, who hit up Tremaine from the peanut gallery. Moving along as quickly as that moment lasted, Chris Pontius lead the workout charge into Sunday morning with a group of guys in dire need of his sexed-up regiment. Here’s a long, lingering look at these men and the sweaty groove they found.

Right around hour 18 we were all getting a little slap happy and punch drunk, but then everything went right to the next literal level. First Bam and Jess Margera smacked the absolute shit out of each other in a slap fight, and then Rick Kosick and Jeff Tremaine stumbled, flailed and floundered about in a long overdue dizzy box match—nothing like rolling into the final hours of on-air sleep deprivation with a pounding headache in tow.

With the takeover finally over and everyone at MTV breathing one big collective sigh of relief that all went off without a hitch or a wayward shit, the event is now being rebroadcast in its 24-hour entirety on MTV2 this coming weekend, starting Saturday, March 1st at noon. Granted, the show will lack a certain edge-of-your-seat-who-knows-what-the-fuck-will-happen spontaneity knowing it’s not happening in real time and no one ever had to hit the panic button (yep, MTV really did have a contingency plan set in place had the takeover run off the tracks altogether in irretrievable crazy train fashion), but if you did happen to miss out on something—maybe even while you were off in the bathroom pooping out a letter to photograph and upload—then here’s your second chance. Keep your fingers and eyes glued to the website, because we’ll be posting new highlights, behind-the-scenes footage and clips that couldn’t make the show, as well as scheduled online video chat-type stuff with Knoxville, Tremaine, Kosick, Carnie, Wolfie and myself throughout the weekend (appointment times still being worked out at present).

Once upon a time there was a skateboard magazine called Big Brother. It was a very stupid skateboard magazine, but like a newborn babe, it brought light to a universe that was very, very dark. It pooped, and puked and generally just made a big ole mess, just like any ole big dumb baby. But there was something cute and very different about this big, dumb baby, and people enjoyed laughing at it while it do all those stupid, messy things. You know, if you got a little pee on your leg, it was a small price to pay for the entertainment the baby provided you. “Oh, it peed on me! HAHA!”

Then one day the baby grew up and its parents didn’t think it was so cute anymore. The magic had worn off. The parents of the baby decided they wanted to kill it. Maybe with a hammer? Fortunately some other parents who couldn’t have a big dumb baby of their own, offered to buy the big dumb baby. And so the original parents sold the big dumb baby to the new parents. (The first parents thought the new parents were as stupid as the big dumb baby.) (more…)

Jack’s anal birth really fucked up the big dumb baby and the new parents didn’t like their big dumb baby anymore, so they decided to kill it. They thought of plopping it on a stick in the spirit of Vlad the Impaler, but in the end they couldn’t bring themselves to kill the baby. So they took it out to the woods and left it there. “The woods,” here, is a warehouse out in the valley somewhere. Near all the porn studios. Probably in a porn studio, actually. And that’s where the big dumb baby has been resting for the last four years.
Until now.
You may have heard the rumors? Yes, they’re true. We bought the rights to Big Brother and the damn thing is coming back. Right here. Stay tuned for more info. Ye big dumb baby.

Hour 16 opened red hot and cock-blurred as the boys hooked up with acclaimed photographer Terry Richardson for a bawdy little photo session the night before the takeover was set to begin. Coming off that penis heavy pre-tape we were back in-studio live for JxPx’s equally acclaimed “Box of Stuff That Sucks,” where Loomis caught a crab, Wee Man took a cattle prod to his bare hammy butt from Mike the Midget, and Knoxville crossed the standards line to cue up the on-air technical difficulties card. Then we jumped over to the uptown studio for a trivia game with the studio audience that could’ve gone one of two ways, sucky or funny, but came out on the enjoyable upside thanks to a prevalent human fear of any device capable of delivering a shock.